Future Plans

I have always planned to be a inspirational speaker. But I never knew specifically what I want to encourage people towards, I know Jesus, but there is so many ways that it could go. So I have been praying lately that God show me what His plan for me after college. And a couple days ago a thought had popped in my head and it kept building and it hasn't left me. I have always had a passion of speaking, the youth, and bullying.

So I want to build groups all over the United States for those who are being bullied and have counselors be able to talk to the kids one on one and in groups. Also, to get families who have lost a child from suicide to be able to get involved, whether they need help or donate or to be able to volunteer. And to have those who have done hate crimes and bullied kids to have to come into the groups and have to participated in the activities, so they can see the effects of their actions and also to be able speak with a family who has lost someone to bullying and let them tell their story and show how it ripples in effects. I also want to have something where it's not pressured but they can have the option of learning about Jesus. Also, to have a place where they can learn how special they each are and let them learn their own special talents and gifts to help build self esteem. The speaking part will be where I can go into the public schools and talk to them  and encourage them and also to them about this group that is willing to help them.

I think this is desperately needed, they are so many people who think, "Oh, it just a normal part of growing up." But it's getting worse and worse everyday! There are so many kids out there today who feel hopeless and alone. Do you know every half hour some teenager commits suicide. I know I can't stop bullying, but I can help those who are being bullied! I know I will have to start small and it will take a lot of work, but it's work I am willing to do to further God's Kingdom. So please pray for me as I take on this adventure.

Unpredictable

Tonight my mind is busy with worry! I am worried of how to pay for school like I always do about this time! I was praying and asking God to open a door like He usually does for me and then a verse popped in my head. Hebrews 13:8, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. But then I thought even though that is true, it never says that He is predictable. I am not sure what He has planned for me. But I have learned that where ever I am He's there, even in my dark days of life. And even though I might not going back to bible college and after the heartache of it, in the end I will survive! 


It makes more sense of how our lives are unpredictable because our Creator is! He was so unpredictable that didn't even tell us when He was coming back, He just told us to be prepared! :) I guess to understand this is to show us how truly small we are and we can't know it all! Knowing us humans, if we did know, we would probably find a way to screw something up! All I know is that He loves me, He always there whenever I need Him, and He has a plan for my life! Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sincerity of heart

Lately, what been on my mind is the sincerity of our hearts when we worship or pray to God. Are we being like pharisees and showing people how good we are and then when we are alone, we do our sins in secret? Isn't the church a hospital for the broken instead of a museum for the good people. Shouldn't we boast in our weaknesses because that where God covers in His strength?

I have observe my own heart lately and prayed Lord, seek my heart and take things that shouldn't be there! I have found things in my own self and I have realized I do act like a pharisee in some ways. I want to show others Jesus, but sometimes I can take it to far.

I just thank God He has more grace and mercy on me then I do on others sometimes. He has to humble me multiple times to show me that I am only where I am because of Him alone! I don't earn nothing from Him because He has already earned it for me! And to remember that Jesus despised the pharisee and blessed the humble. Here's a few scriptures where Jesus talks to the Pharisees in Matthew 23

             Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. ²⁶ Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.²⁷ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. ²⁸ In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.²⁹ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. ³⁰ And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ ³¹ So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. ³² Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started!
³³ “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 

Also Jesus tells the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican in Luke 18:9-14,
 9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people, robbers, evildoers, adulterers,or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

So humble yourself before the Lord and remember no matter how good you've done, Jesus has done greater!

Labels

This world has so many labels to put on others, too skinny, too fat, too nerdy, too preppy! To tell the truth I am sick of all the labels, I have lived with them all of my life, and they try put me to a level where they tell me, I can't have a normal life because I am disabled, And I also have people in my life who judge me on my body size.

 But my question is who gave them the right to tell me who I am and how I should look like? Who has the right to judge on whether something is beautiful or not, or someone can or can't do something? Isn't it God? He is the One who created me! Shouldn't He have the right to tell me who I am in His eyes!? I guess through the process of it all I have learned that the world's opinion doesn't matter, it like a vapor. 

I mean I am still human and a girl, I have days where I do not feel beautiful, I hate the way I talk sometimes, and sometimes I do feel like giving up. I am aware of my flaws, I don't need to be remind of them, for I know I am not perfect. Sometimes I talk too much, when I need to listen, I am not a size 5, I am a size 15.  I have Cerebral Palsy, I talk and write different, but God has shown His strength through my weaknesses. I have flaws where I am still learning. BUT EVEN THOUGH ALL OF MY FLAWS,  I AM BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN THE WORLD TELLS ME I NOT! I KNOW MY CREATOR LOVES ME AND HE CREATED ME IN HIS IMAGE AND THAT DROWNS OUT THE SOUNDS OF THE WORLD! I BELONG TO HIM!

It's not the end, just a new beginning

Tonight, I am sitting in my 1st apartment's living room, knowing that tomorrow (actually today) I am leaving back home for the summer, not knowing what's going to lead and what going to happen, the only thing I know is that God is in charge. I did my best at school and now God is in charge.

This is one of the moments where you're happy, but sad. The people you have met and try to invest your heart into has come to an end and you wish that even though you showed them your flaws that you also shown them Christ. But I am happy because it's time to go back to the people whom love me most, no matter what I do, they are always gonna be by my side loving me through the good and bad!



I have learned a lot this year looking back, I have learned to let go of the little things and the big things! I have learn that I don't need a big fancy diploma to make a big difference in the world, I have Jesus Christ and that's all I need. I learned to live for today, not tomorrow, I learned that laughter is truly the best medicine. But mostly importantly I learned that God truly has a plan for me and every second that plan is in motion. So even though it's hard to say goodbye, I know that it's not a end, it's just another beginning! :) Get ready world, here I am come!

Doubts vs Hope

Lately the question has been in my head, Why do bad things happen to good people? And if I could give you a theological answer, I would tell you that there is no such thing that exists as a good person, for all have sinned.  But there are sometimes where you question certain things. Do you know every half hour some teenager committed suicide and in general, every 40 seconds someone attempts or commits suicide. This world, as you can see, is so broken and every where you look there is someone that is hurting.

In today's world, I think we are harder on ourselves then people are on us. We get so lost in the lies the devil tells us, that it's all our fault, we are not worth anything, and anything that he can tells us to pull us down he will. It's so easy to get lost in the sea of this world, that sometimes we just become so numb from everything that life has handed us.  When need to be aware of this for in 1 Peter 5:8 it says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

 When you look at the statistics above, you might think, well, Satan obviously winning! But you would be wrong because we need to remember that Jesus already defeated death. The battle is won through Him! He's always with us and it's never too late to run back in His arms! When you have these days of doubt just remember that you are worth more then you could ever know! You are royalty! The most beautiful thing, created in the image of the God who made the stars, the mountains, the oceans, the sunrises and  the sunsets!

He loves us!

I meant to post this earlier, but now is okay. We all recently just celebrated Easter, every Easter, I have a moment of just awe of how amazing Jesus really is! I still wondered how he could die for my sins and find me worthy enough to die for me, but not only that but to choose me and then use me to proclaim His name. I saw this video and i think it sums up just how great He is!

  Watching that video and then thinking that this king is my king leaves me in awe! But not only the He died the most humiliating, cruel death in all of history so that we could live and not only just live, but to live to the fullest! Thank you Jesus! You are so wonderful!

So every time your feeling down and ready to give up, remember there is someone that loves with a love with that can complete every person who accepts it! And He is the King of kings, the Lord of all lords! And He got whipped, spat on, his beard pulled out, and a crown seep into His skull for you!