Vunerable

 God has press on my heart to tell you this. this thing I am about to tell you is very deep within and very hard for me to tell you. There are times when I hate my disability, I hate that sound of the way I talk and I hate how weak my hands are. I am ashamed of it! This is reason why I avoid talking to people, especially guys because I am embarrassed for them to see how disabled I am, I don't want them to reject not only me, but my disability!

We all have things we hate about ourselves, girls are especially guilty of this! Can I ask why? I want you to think of this. If God has called us to be apart from this world, then why are we measuring up to the world, God had made each and everyone of us just the way we are, He accepts us with all our flaws and weaknesses, we should appreciate these things we don't like about ourselves and I will tell you why, Christ's purpose wasn't for us to have these things but because we do have all these things, we can use them, for HIS GLORY!

In II Cor. 12:7-10 says, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

We should embrace these things for just as that verse says, For His power is made perfect in weakness and for when I am weak then I am strong," God's power is in these things that we are so scared to show, I believe that these things are going to show the strength of God to a broken and hurt world, the reason I believe in this is as we reveal this truth, people will start to see that God is not a God for perfect people, He is a God for broken and hurt people!!! Christi Armstrong said  Being strong doesn't mean you have to feel strong inside. In fact, being strong means admitting when you don't feel it. God is our strength and He can walk us through any memory, any raw emotion, any deep scar. They are not to be feared, because He has them in His hands.'


All of the fears, regrets, hurts, this stuff that you have held in for so long that is weigh you down I want to remind you tonight you are more than all of it and that they are nothing in the shadow and power of the cross! When you lay these things into Jesus' hands through Christ those things that once were ugly are now turned into beautiful things that Christ will show His love through them in you! I also want you to remember from now on, that every time someone tries to tell you that you can't and the world tries to define what or who you are those voices tonight are silenced, because you are not defined by world, but by God!!

Grace

In school, we are studying how we are the image of God. This has been challenging me.  I want to see as Jesus sees me, but that is the challenge I face. As a woman of God wanting to please Him and only Him, but be surrounding by a world who tries to pull me away.

I struggle mostly with my past and the things I have done! I have been ashamed for a long time! I thought God would never forgive me for some of the mistakes I have made! I thought I was worthless and God couldn't use me for ministry. I am a junior now in college and through three years I have struggled with this thought in the back of my mind, until this year, I have learned that I am forgiven, completely! God has shown me that I can turn those mistakes into triumphs!  That I am a piece of the big picture of His kingdom!

So I guess my message is that we are humans,we will get messy and we will make mistakes, some big and some small. But no matter how big you think your sin is, God's grace and love for you is so much bigger! Some how the devil likes to make our sin shrink God, when in reality it's should really be the other way!  I have realize that while my savior was dangling on the cross, bloody and beaten, He didn't died for only certain sins, HE DIE FOR ALL SIN! So I pray that for all of you who are reading this, to remember that when you sin, big or small, God knows, nothing shocks Him! But He loves you more than You will ever know! You may run 1,000 miles away from Him, but He will only be a step behind!

Miracles

God is simply just amazing. I found out some more details of my birth and its just astounds me how great He is! My grandpa wrote this a couple days after my birth and this what it says,

I have never been a person who put much stock in miracles. Ten days ago a child was born into our family. This baby was give very little chance at life, She was given very little chance to arrive at the Twin Falls I.C.U. alive.
When she did arrive, she was suffering severe seizures, an ominous sign of brain damage. The doctor had told us that there was a 50-90% chance at significant brain damage. Since that morning, there have been no more seizures.
The baby's suck response developed normally, another miracle. The baby's kidneys were not functioning, they were healed without medication. The child had a severe water retention problem, this again was healed without medication. A problem with the child temperature regulation system, again healed spontaneously.
 A young woman, who had made an appointment for an abortion, changed her mind after seeing this child's struggle for life, and moved by this body's love and prayers, That she canceled the appointment and will bear her child.
The baby is now out of the hospital and doing well. We wish to give our heartfelt thanks to ALMIGHTY GOD for all His blessings. We also want to thank Pastor Mike and all the church body for their prayers, love, and concern.
DON'T EVER DOUBT GOD IS ALIVE AND HE DOES DO MIRACLES!

This baby was me!!! When I read this I am just in Awe of God, He has saved my life so many times and it just fills my heart with love. I am 22 years old now and going to a bible college. I am hoping to glorify God with my whole life because He didn't do these miracles for nothing. I give my life to the one who gave me life! I hope this blesses you!

 

Future Plans

I have always planned to be a inspirational speaker. But I never knew specifically what I want to encourage people towards, I know Jesus, but there is so many ways that it could go. So I have been praying lately that God show me what His plan for me after college. And a couple days ago a thought had popped in my head and it kept building and it hasn't left me. I have always had a passion of speaking, the youth, and bullying.

So I want to build groups all over the United States for those who are being bullied and have counselors be able to talk to the kids one on one and in groups. Also, to get families who have lost a child from suicide to be able to get involved, whether they need help or donate or to be able to volunteer. And to have those who have done hate crimes and bullied kids to have to come into the groups and have to participated in the activities, so they can see the effects of their actions and also to be able speak with a family who has lost someone to bullying and let them tell their story and show how it ripples in effects. I also want to have something where it's not pressured but they can have the option of learning about Jesus. Also, to have a place where they can learn how special they each are and let them learn their own special talents and gifts to help build self esteem. The speaking part will be where I can go into the public schools and talk to them  and encourage them and also to them about this group that is willing to help them.

I think this is desperately needed, they are so many people who think, "Oh, it just a normal part of growing up." But it's getting worse and worse everyday! There are so many kids out there today who feel hopeless and alone. Do you know every half hour some teenager commits suicide. I know I can't stop bullying, but I can help those who are being bullied! I know I will have to start small and it will take a lot of work, but it's work I am willing to do to further God's Kingdom. So please pray for me as I take on this adventure.

Unpredictable

Tonight my mind is busy with worry! I am worried of how to pay for school like I always do about this time! I was praying and asking God to open a door like He usually does for me and then a verse popped in my head. Hebrews 13:8, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. But then I thought even though that is true, it never says that He is predictable. I am not sure what He has planned for me. But I have learned that where ever I am He's there, even in my dark days of life. And even though I might not going back to bible college and after the heartache of it, in the end I will survive! 


It makes more sense of how our lives are unpredictable because our Creator is! He was so unpredictable that didn't even tell us when He was coming back, He just told us to be prepared! :) I guess to understand this is to show us how truly small we are and we can't know it all! Knowing us humans, if we did know, we would probably find a way to screw something up! All I know is that He loves me, He always there whenever I need Him, and He has a plan for my life! Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Sincerity of heart

Lately, what been on my mind is the sincerity of our hearts when we worship or pray to God. Are we being like pharisees and showing people how good we are and then when we are alone, we do our sins in secret? Isn't the church a hospital for the broken instead of a museum for the good people. Shouldn't we boast in our weaknesses because that where God covers in His strength?

I have observe my own heart lately and prayed Lord, seek my heart and take things that shouldn't be there! I have found things in my own self and I have realized I do act like a pharisee in some ways. I want to show others Jesus, but sometimes I can take it to far.

I just thank God He has more grace and mercy on me then I do on others sometimes. He has to humble me multiple times to show me that I am only where I am because of Him alone! I don't earn nothing from Him because He has already earned it for me! And to remember that Jesus despised the pharisee and blessed the humble. Here's a few scriptures where Jesus talks to the Pharisees in Matthew 23

             Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. ²⁶ Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.²⁷ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. ²⁸ In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.²⁹ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. ³⁰ And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ ³¹ So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. ³² Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started!
³³ “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 

Also Jesus tells the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican in Luke 18:9-14,
 9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people, robbers, evildoers, adulterers,or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

So humble yourself before the Lord and remember no matter how good you've done, Jesus has done greater!

Labels

This world has so many labels to put on others, too skinny, too fat, too nerdy, too preppy! To tell the truth I am sick of all the labels, I have lived with them all of my life, and they try put me to a level where they tell me, I can't have a normal life because I am disabled, And I also have people in my life who judge me on my body size.

 But my question is who gave them the right to tell me who I am and how I should look like? Who has the right to judge on whether something is beautiful or not, or someone can or can't do something? Isn't it God? He is the One who created me! Shouldn't He have the right to tell me who I am in His eyes!? I guess through the process of it all I have learned that the world's opinion doesn't matter, it like a vapor. 

I mean I am still human and a girl, I have days where I do not feel beautiful, I hate the way I talk sometimes, and sometimes I do feel like giving up. I am aware of my flaws, I don't need to be remind of them, for I know I am not perfect. Sometimes I talk too much, when I need to listen, I am not a size 5, I am a size 15.  I have Cerebral Palsy, I talk and write different, but God has shown His strength through my weaknesses. I have flaws where I am still learning. BUT EVEN THOUGH ALL OF MY FLAWS,  I AM BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN THE WORLD TELLS ME I NOT! I KNOW MY CREATOR LOVES ME AND HE CREATED ME IN HIS IMAGE AND THAT DROWNS OUT THE SOUNDS OF THE WORLD! I BELONG TO HIM!